Big Boys Don't Ovulate
by Lolotea
Summary: Hatori realizes the magic of motherhood while everyone else waits patiently for an explanation. Some better than others...((Some HatorixShigure))


Big Boys Don't Ovulate

PG-13 (now)

Author: Lolotea )

Title:Big Boys Don't Ovulate: Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Status: Keep your pants on

Disclaimer: Not Mine

I

This is not happening, it was just one time, my first time without a...

God...

It was just one night; one lousy night could not do this to him, could it?

Hatori Sohma examined his face in a small hand mirror, staring at his reflection with a look of dread. Something was wrong with his body, something terribly terribly wrong. The only thing he could link it to was the zodiac curse, which worried him considerably since he'd never really done any research on sea horses. As a child he had been obsessed with the dragon instead, ignoring the less than manly alternative. He knew there were little traits among his relatives, Kyo's unexplainable hair balls, Shigure's habit of shaking his rear like a dog with a clipped tail, and Ayame's ambidextrous tongue. There were the more obvious trends as well, everyone's abnormal hair and eye colors; but this...none of them could possibly compare...

--It was almost too perfectly bizarre and coincidental. There he was doubled over a pan he'd brought into his rooms, holding back his own hair and clutching the small hard round of his stomach. He'd never puked so much in his life, every morning for two weeks he'd vomited before breakfast. He couldn't understand it, what kind of sick twisted virus would do such a thing? Naturally, he had a headache, and just as naturally there was an overabundance of loud and obnoxious noises coming from his living room. He tried calling for Momiji, the obvious delinquent, got as far as 'Mo' and was silenced by a new and even more vicious wave of nausea. Thankfully it didn't last long, and soon he was catching his breath and hearing the irritating drone of a narrator talking far too excitedly for his own good about aquatic life:

"...Tropical waters are also home to an abundance of animals and fish. One of the most interesting sea creatures is the sea horse. This small creature resembles its obvious namesake, the horse. Its color and spiny body keeps it camouflaged, and they mate for life. The miraculous element involving their mating however, concerns the male, which bears the offspring of the pair..."

Hatori stood in the doorway to his study, staring at the sleepy figure of Momiji, rocking back and forth in a pretzel style in front of the TV, watching little sea horses swim helter-skelter about their parents. A part of the doctor said, wouldn't that make it the female? And another part was stiff with horror.

Momiji turned to look at him, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and grinning "Hey Ha'ri, does this mean you can have a baby too?" He gained a more thoughtful look, his mind fully processing the thought, "You know, like how my nose twitches when I smell stuff, and how Shigure wags his butt."

Shigure, two months ago: no condom.

"Don't be absurd Momiji, now turn that off, it's time for you to get ready for school." His voice was steady and calm as usual.

"It's Sunday."

"Breakfast.

"I already ate."

"...Then what are you doing here?" Momiji raised an eyebrow in obvious confusion.

"We're going to Shigure's remember? Tohru's birthday's today and I baked a cake!" The little blonde boy stood up turning off the television, fidgeting with excitement already.

"Oh joy..."

It was absolutely what he needed least, Tohru with her heartbreaking resemblance to Kana, and Shigure...the father of his child. He cringed involuntarily at the thought as fits of How, and Why, and Do I Really Want To Knows sprung up like the chicken pocks in his mind. But after a moment of thought he figured that now would be the least embarrassing time to check his hypothesis. So to the bathroom he went, followed by a bouncing-hopping-dancing with joy Momiji whom he left at the door. He had no trouble finding a pregnancy test among his medical supplies, and took the first step, opening the box. Hesitating, he read the instructions and thanked God he only had to urinate on it, and did so- washing his hands thoroughly afterwards. Sitting with a stick he'd just peed on in his hands waiting for a color or some little invitation to cry happily for the rest of his life in relief, he felt himself becoming sick with something new.

A knock interrupted his silent prayers, "Ha'ri...I have to go, can you hurry up in there?" Momiji whined piteously in his chirping high voice, which for in his moment of utter anxiety sent Hatori over the edge.

"Momiji..." He warned hearing his voice tense with anger. He looked back at the test, it showed up blue. He felt both relief and dread before he realized that he hadn't a clue what it signified, and fumbled for the box, seeing it on the floor--taking a step forward--and kicking it under the door out into the hallway all in one second.

"Son of a--"

"Ha'ri...?"

"Could you kick that back in here?" Hatori could have sworn he'd heard a muffled snort, but disregarded it, Momiji was a child after all, he still got lost around the compound he'd grown up in; he wouldn't know what protection and pregnancy tests were... This didn't seem to make him feel any better though, and he swore he could feel his reproductive organs vow to never make a peep again if this once wish was granted, if-if--

Blue didn't equal "Congratulations You've Conceived", and it didn't mean the world had been turned upside down...and he wasn't dieing from some mystery disease...

"Haaaaaariiii-oh." Momiji watched Hatori come out of the bathroom his skin a death pale, and his eyes without that spark of kindness that let everyone know that deep down he was okay... He sighed, thinking it was probably another one of those "adult" things like Kana, and let himself in to use the toilet as soft sobbing noises echoed in the doctor's bedroom. Momiji took some solace in knowing that being around everyone--and Tohru-- at the party would probably lift the man's spirit. It would pass. No one could be sad for long around that group. He smiled to himself and turned around, heading towards the kitchen with his worry behind him. In Hatori's room however, it was much more difficult to minimize the situation.

There he was in front of his dresser staring at his own image, watching it rub its stomach while feeling the slow growth there with his own hands. This was real, just like the curse. It didn't matter how such a thing had happened, or what strange body parts were probably working to support the living being within himself. --Or even how it would be expelled from those parts, in seven months a boy or a girl ready and waiting to come into the world, maybe even both. Whether they magically teleported into his arms or were hacked out of his belly with a C-section, it was going to happen. It was going to--it was going to--it was...

He sighed frustrated that for a second he could forget and then another he'd be sobbing with dread for what was to come, and another he was half laughing over the whole situation--And through it all he never could gain a sense of reality. Only when he brought out a stethoscope and placed the cold metal over his navel did he truly understand--

A little heart, a little beating heart was in him, not nearly as strong and steady as his own, but still there.

He had to see Shigure, he had to let him hear what they'd made together, they were best friends, a little bit more some nights obviously, but they'd been through thick and thin together along with Ayame. If he were impregnated, his manhood dashed to pieces and his stomach bloated...his friends deserved to know.

Dressing casually, he readied himself, putting on a little extra cologne and slipping into his shoes. Momiji was waiting out on the porch area, swinging his legs and starting on the second verse of his song, Hatori cleared his throat and the boy looked up at him smiling cheerfully.

"We're going now." Momiji rose to his feet, following his elder out to the car, sitting with the cake on his lap in the passenger seat. Hatori was adjusting the rearview mirror when he noticed the uncharacteristic silence emanating from the small teen beside him.

"What's wrong Momiji?" The blonde looked to him shrugging a little,

"Nothing, I'm just a little disappointed it's so cloudy on Tohru's birthday."

"Is that all?" Momiji nodded a little less gloomily, staring out the window as he began talking at his usual pace, pausing to breathe occasionally. He was jabbering away as they walked up to Shigure's front porch, while Hatori's heart thrummed painfully in his chest, and when Kyo's answered the door looking greatly unamused that they were invited. Tohru was there too of course, greeting them with smiles and thank you's as she accepted the cake and put it with the mass of snacks on the kitchen counter. She saw Hatori's searching gaze,

"What are you looking for?" She inquired sweetly.

"Where's Shigure?"

"Right behind you," A voice enthused behind Hatori, startling him, and causing him to turn with a frazzled look on his face.

"Oh," He attempted a recovery, smiling a little too uncomfortably, "I-" He faltered and Shigure raised his eyebrows, before leaning in with worry emanating from his expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I...we need to talk," He said gruffly, and gesturing towards the staircase. He needed to get this over with as soon as possible, if he were in the opposite situation he'd want to know who carried his baby, right?

Maybe...probably...For the sake of the question, yes...

Shigure frowned, wondering what could have his friend so stirred up, and gladly lead the way to his bedroom at the top of the stairs. He shut the door behind them, turning slowly,

"Did something happen with Akito?" He asked hoping there wasn't something troubling Hatori on a personal level.

"No, no, it's nothing like that...I...there's something you have to know about sea horses..." Shigure gave him a skeptical look, certainly not knowing where such a statement could lead to. Nodding patiently he encouraged Hatori to move onwards. "When sea horses reproduce, the male sea horse gives birth."

"Okay..." Hatori remained silent for a moment hoping he wouldn't have to explain any further; but knowing how freely that fact could be taken, which it quickly was. "So...you don't want to do it unprotected anymore...?" His voice sounded uneasy.

"No...let's just say it doesn't matter now." Shigure blanched.

"Why? You liked me just fine the last time we had sex." Hatori shook his head,

"That's not what I mean,"

"So you're still attracted to me?" Shigure inched closer, letting Hatori see the smug little twist to his smile. Somehow the doctor couldn't see how the comment was appropriate.

"When was the last time we were alone together?" He asked patiently, while feeling this tolerance melting away with each second.

"Two months ago, we've both been so busy." Neither missed the half lament in that statement.

"I've been physically ill every morning for the last two weeks." He said it, and he knew that it fit along the line of thought he was on, and that maybe Shigure might have caught sight of the thread and taken the hint but...he certainly wasn't expecting this...

"I see..." Dazed was an understatement, and the phrase "full frontal lobotomy" came to mind. "Are you saying what is obviously being implied? because I have a lot of questions if you are." Hatori sighed nodding; he took a seat on the edge of Shigure's bed, motioning for the other to take a seat as well. Shigure slumped down next to his friend, almost automatically pulling Hatori into a tight embrace. The Sohma's had seen more than a few strange things, but this was by far the most baffling thing Shigure Sohma had ever been a part of.

He placed a hand between himself and Hatori, his fingers splayed out across Hatori's stomach.

"How, how is that even possible, how do you know?"

"I really don't know. I'm not sure I want to truthfully. I don't like the idea of strange organs blooming within me without my realization...And it's not exactly like either of us are normal, how do I erase memories? I don't know that either...I took a test and it came up positive...You can hear its heartbeat too..."

"And you're a doctor..." Shigure seemingly mourned, "How will we get it out?" Hatori frowned, feeling an odd pulse in his chest.

"What do you mean?"

"You know...how will it be born?" It was strange, but Hatori realized he'd thought Shigure was mentioning an abortion of some kind, and it had hurt a little. He wanted to keep it, he decided, he wanted to even more with every little beat.

"I don't know, I don't know how any of this is going to work, honestly I don't." Shigure looked at him, in earnest his gaze unwavering.

"It's okay. We'll figure it out along the way, it'll be like writing chapters, you take one at a time, but on a whole you know what's going to happen. It'll be okay, and I'll be there for you, every single chapter." It was the sweetest thing either of them had ever heard Shigure say, and it didn't seem to go unappreciated, by the way their lips met like two adjacent puzzle pieces. Hatori felt his back being pushed onto the mattress beneath them, and couldn't seem to stop himself from pulling back.

"Isn't this what got us into this mess?" He whispered a little hoarsely, and with a weak edge. Shigure pushed up the hem of his shirt.

"I just want to see," His fingers traced where a little bit of a bulge was proving itself, touching the shifting belly button--just waiting to become an outy. Hatori crawled further up the bed, and Shigure lay with an ear to his stomach. His dark head rose and fell with every breath Hatori took, and the man couldn't help but tangle his hand in it, stroking and curling the fine strands. There was one question left; he knew he needed answered, sooner rather than later...

"Shigure... how are we going to be?" Shigure kissed his stomach, looking up at him with a hint of adoration, "We'll have to tell Akito, what will he do?" Hatori could feel another tragedy creeping up on them, another Kana in the works, but one he'd learned to shave with, one he'd known since birth, and grown to cherish as a friend and lover. "You and I know him best, he'll throw a fit, you know that.'Not like it's anything new, he does it every month." They both laughed a little, uncomfortably due to their positions. It died away smoothly, and it was quiet again, Shigure stroking Hatori's hand, and Hatori petting Shigure's hair.

"We'll be just fine." Hatori said finally with conviction.

II

Downstairs, the usual group had gathered, Tohru and her two friends, Kyo, Yuki, Momiji, and Hatsuharu. It was obvious that Shigure and Hatori were missing and an unusual silence had settled over them starting with Momiji's question,

"Tohru, what's a pregnancy test?" He was tugging on her sleeve, looking up at her with hopeful eyes. Per usual, she was bashfully confused. Yuki and Kyo, standing nearby heard, and came to Tohru's aid, with a loud smack. "Ow...Ha'ri, Kyo hit me!" He began bawling loudly, before it dawned on him that his guardian was nowhere to be seen. "Hey, where'd Ha'ri go?"

"Why don't you ask Shigure?" Hatsuharu responded in his low monotone, looking up from his piece of cake to point at the stairs. Momiji stared in confusion, before affirming it was probably another "adult" thing.

"I wonder what they're doing up there..." Hanagima brought a thoughtful hand to her chin, which Ou noticed immediately.

"Hey Kyo-Kyo, go see what they're up to." Kyo fell forward a foot with a shove as she forced him towards the staircase.

"H-hey why do I have do it?" The red head groaned struggling out of Ou's hold to stand with fists balled at his side. The blonde merely rolled up her sleeve, and he was skittering up the steps, "Fine, whatever, I'll do it." The rest were left waiting patiently, only Yuki had a shudder of an inkling as to what the couple were up to. He took swig of punch, grimacing at the memory.

God, Ayame was a slut.

Moving to stand beside Tohru, he waited along with everyone else.

Kyo moved silently cat like you might say, through the upstairs, hearing unfamiliar noises coming from Shigure's room. With little thought to privacy, he edged over to look through the keyhole of the door.

Suddenly the noises made sense.

"I don't see anything different," Shigure was saying.

"Look harder, I want to know how this thing is getting out of me." From what Kyo's saucer sized eyes could see, Hatori was pointing to his stomach.

It's like a train wreck...I can't look away...

Why aren't my eyes exploding?

There was a quick and spastic laugh, "That tickles..." Shigure raised his head, smirking lasciviously.

"Really Ha'ri, there's nothing strange down here." Hatori lay back, shrugging at the same time.

"I'll cough it up, if need be, a baby has to be born some time."

Baby? What in the...

Kyo managed to blink, and the spell was apparently broken, the poor boy backing up till his back met the adjacent wall. Why why why him, and also WHATTHEHELL? It was too much...way too much for any one person to attempt immediate comprehension of. Startled out of reasonable thought, he headed back down to the living room where everyone watched him enter anxiously.

"What were they doing?" Tohru asked as she accepted an egg roll from Yuki.

"I..." Kyo looked to the floor uncomfortably, how could he say it? "...This and that..." Hatsuharu looked up.

"What do you mean?" Momiji piped in, his brow furrowed.

"They were...uh...talking," It wasn't entirely untrue, "You know...personal stuff."

"Oh." Kyo faded into the background of the party after that, staying close to the food in the kitchen, not even bothering to keep the Rat away from Tohru. Eventually, he ended up out on the back porch, staring off into the distance, barely noticing when another body was sitting down beside him.

"What did you see?" It was Hatsuharu, peering into his eyes, with a passive expression that spoke of mild interest.

"The question is: what didn't I see?"

"Were they...?"

"If only...No, my friend, it was far far worse..." Kyo shook his head, closing his eyes, and then immediately reopening them, cringing from the images under his eyelids.

Why why why...?

"Hatori's having a baby."

"What?" Hatsuharu gave him a questioning look full of doubt.

"I don't know...He just is, okay?" His eyes narrowed, "Shoot the messenger why don't you?" Neither of them spoke for a few moments, seemingly gathering enough sense to speak coherently.

"...Are you sure?"

"I can show you to their room." Kyo offered. Hatsuharu shook his head emphatically, not saying a thing. Eventually their discomfort melted away as the minutes ticked by, and the pair came to terms with the deep rooted confusion that seemed to originate from their guts.

"...Really?"

"Yes, I saw...I saw things...things that will never go away...never ever ever..." Kyo buried his face in his hands shaking with dry sobs. Hatsuharu put a comforting hand on Kyo's back and another on his own chin in thought.

"What do we do now?" Kyo looked up at him through his fingers, a perplexed expression slowly gaining grounds. Hatsuharu shrugged slowly, contemplating the question and eventually supplying a shake of the head.

"I don't know...Sit down and have a talk with them?" He offered, almost sarcastically.

"Should we tell Akito?" Hatsuharu withdrew his hand from Kyo's shoulder, drumming it on the wood flooring at his side. He looked to Kyo expectantly, with both eyebrows raised. The red head only grimaced, thought about it, and then shook his head sighing.

"I hate the bastard; but everyone else seems to."

"We're telling Akito then?" Hatsuharu tried to confirm, without pressuring his unstable cousin.

"We?"

"I'm not doing it all on my own, I didn't see whatever God-awful thing was happening in that room." He tried protesting only to fail miserably.

"All the more reason for you to do it!"

Shouting only lead to more shouting, and as a result the calm cool and collected Hatsuharu left the stage, leaving behind an enraged Kyo and a near demonic Black Haru. Yelling only made the two angrier and soon fists were bared, and a small crowd had gathered.

Yuki broke them up before the first punch could be landed, calling attention to the shame they should be feeling, unaware of their loss of humanity and the atrocities they had undergone. The two stared at him, making the poor prince feel like a spoon in a sock drawer (Misplaced...?).

"What's wrong?" He asked weakly, fearing what the answer would be. Neither had the courage to tell Yuki, knowing full well they couldn't have him tell Akito.

"Nothing..."

"We were arguing over...over how bright the sun is today." Yuki looked out at the yard, turning with a frown to Kyo.

"It's raining."

"That's what I said." Hatsuharu piped in, with a nod. Yuki looked at both of them separately, before backing off, slowly edging away and back to Tohru's side, leaving the two to squabble endlessly. Long after dark when everyone else was bunking down for the night, guests included, it was ultimately decided that both relatives would make the trek to the center of the Sohma compound the next morning before anyone would realize they were gone.

Thus, Kyo awoke at five 'till six to find the house silent, and crept out of bed. Halfway down the hallway he stepped over the sleeping form of Ayame, who had arrived a little past midnight, content in his lamp shade hat. Shaking his head, Kyo continued on his way, finding Hatsuharu curled up on the living room floor, facing the east wall.

"Psst, Haru..." He nudged the boy with his toes, using a little more force than what was needed.

"Gah.What?"

Wake me up in the middle of the-

"We both agreed we'd do this." Kyo kept prodding him, digging an especially sharp toenail into the soft of his back.

"Quit it, I'm up, I'm up..."

"Says the man with closed eyes..." Hatsuharu sat up finally, with a deep scowl and open eyes, wiping the sleep from them with his sleeves. He stifled a yawn, somehow stumbling to his feet.

"Happy?"

"No, happy would be not having to do this at all, nice and warm in our beds, oblivious till the end..." Kyo said this with enough yearning for the both of them, and Haru couldn't help from envisioning the wonderful little fantasy. It seemed a pity that they had to let the thought slip away as they crept out of the house, wetting the cuffs of their pants with morning dew.

When they reached the bus station the sun was just beginning to show it's self, creating a vaguely brighter dark around them, and allowing Kyo to make out the bus schedule posted on the stop's sign.

"No...S...E...R...No Service...O..On...Sun...days..." He paused, looking to his cousin, "Mother of-"

Colorful language indeed.

"Well...maybe we can get a ride there..." Hatsuharu offered, looking forward to an extra couple of hours snuggled beside the wall in Shigure's house. Later on Hatori would need to tend to Akito and he wouldn't mind their presence in the car if he didn't mind Momiji's...

TBC

I have loads more; it's just a matter of spell checking my way through eternity and into the great beyond.


End file.
